Song of my life...

But not for me

They're writing songs of love, but not for me.
A lucky star's above, but not for me.
With love to lead the way
I've found more clouds of grey
than any Russian play could guarantee.
I was a fool to fall and get that way;
Heigh-ho! Alas! And also, lack-a-day!
Although I can't dismiss the mem'ry of his kiss,
I guess he's not for me.
He's knocking on a door, but not for me.
He'll plan a two by four, but not for me.
I know that love's a game;
I'm puzzled, just the same,
was I the moth or flame?
I'm all at sea.
It all began so well, but what an end!
This is the time a feller needs a friend,
when ev'ry happy plot ends with the marriage knot,
and there's no knot for me.

--George and Ira Gershwin

I just watched "Four Weddings and a Funeral" for the second time.  I don't know whether I want to curl up in the fetal position and cry myself to sleep or revert back to my belief in love having a chance.  Well, there's not much more for me to say about that.

Breaking the Silence

Being depressed is simple (not to be confused with easy.)  It is getting out of it that isn't. 
I spoke with a young lady last night who felt there were no options left in her life and that she deserved to die.  For some reason, she felt that her life had gotten out of hand and the choices that she had made in the past would be the end of her.  Without divulging too many details to me, probably because of our unfamiliarity, her shame and fear of judgement, she told an ambiguous tale of how she had grown up to be just like her mother (who was an alcoholic and died young.)  As we sat out in the cold night air, I shivered inside from more than the elements.  Depression is a place I never wish to visit again.  I spent over a decade in that miserable state's clutches.  I gave up a few times, but in retrospect, there was always hope present.  However, it was difficult to see that on many of those lonely, desperate nights.  All I had to offer that girl then and the girl last night were words of reassurance.  And, I believe that God spoke through me last night and gave me the words that girl needed to hear.  To think that another soul is in as a desperate a state as I have visited makes my heart ache.  
I'm saying a prayer tonight for those suffering in silence and those who have broken their silence, even if to an acquaintance such as I.       

Today I went to a funeral. 
I had only met the deceased once before.  But I am well acquainted with his wife and was at the memorial service to support her. 
As I sat a few rows back behind the family a video played up front, flashing pictures from different periods of his life set to sentimental songs.  As I looked at candid photos of the man I never knew, I began to peek into his private world, seeing him as a living human being that had made an impact.  By reputation, he had made many mistakes in his life but here, at the end of his life, he was a loving father, husband and friend.  Half way through, tears began to flow and emotion swelled within me.  He had been alive and seemingly well a few weeks ago, and now he has left a family in mourning.  Life is so incredibly fragile and short, which is why it is so important to seize every moment, enjoy it with all your might, and be sure to tell people in your life that you love and appreciate them.    

Patience: A Virtue Worth Waiting For

So often I've jumped head long into situations I soon came to regret.  The older I get the better I am at not doing this fortunately.  When I was a teenager, I was positive my parents had no clue what they were talking about and I took it upon myself to consistently prove them right.  They patiently let me make the mistakes I needed to in order to grow emotionally and mature into a wiser woman (I hope!)  Patience has never been a quality I thought that I naturally possessed.  In reality, I think that, like any talent, it must be cultivated.  (Practice makes perfect, right?)  I can't recall how many times I've prayed for patience, only to find out that in return I didn't miraculously receive an instant gift for patience, but rather, more opportunities to practice it.  With that realization in hand, and a certain amount of submission on my part, I've found a new feeling and state of being that suits me well--Peace.

Path of Least Resistance?

I have often adopted the theory that what comes easiest, in relationship to my character and how I respond to others, is the natural or best way to be.  Upon reflection though, the path of least resistance is too often the path travelled by most.  Perhaps, like any rewarding situation in life, one's character, even at it's core, must be worked upon and challenged.  Strength of character and will are often products of hardship and testing.  Any sustainable relationship, whether it be romantic or platonic, takes work, deep consideration and is, above all else, a choice.

Welcome Friends!

I've finally submitted.  
I haven't traded in my typewriter or Pentax LX just yet for more technologically advanced media; I have only begun to bridge the gap.  
For several years now I have dug my unwilling heels in when it came to anything that required a user's manual.  I'm not exactly the most tech savvy person, nor have I desired to be. 
But, the time has come for me to face reality.  That is the type of world that is evolving around me, like it or not. 
Just when I was thinking that old dogs and their tricks couldn't be taught, a change in mind (not heart) surprisingly occurred.  
For the most part, a brief peek at my future job prospects turned the tides for this skeptic.
So, here I am.  My maiden voyage as a blogger has begun.
Cheers to new things, and to never forgetting the old.